I'm not Playing His Game Anymore.

Looking back I'm amazed this marriage has lasted as long as it has. I guess if he'd married someone as selfish as he is, he would have been divorced a lot sooner than 12 years. 
All I know is that after shouldering 100% of the responsibility for this marriage over the past 12 years I am finally at my wits end and ready to throw in the towel. I don't like that I will have to break my promise of "Til death do we part" but that man raped me last Sun day and had nothing to say for his actions. He acted like I was wrong for being angry at him for forcing himself on me after I told him no sex four times in 30 mins. I have never been so livid in my life. At first I was suicidal because it seems like this is all I ever get and it never changes. Then I thought, "Why the hell should I give up my life for that asshole?" He's done enough damage so now it's my turn to turn the tables on him and make that fucker pay large for what he's done to me these past 12 years. I gave him everything and all he ever did was throw me under the bus and treat me like meat. So fuck him. Wifey is on the warpath and he's going to pay for his crimes on my terms. 

I made a doctor's appointment to get checked out because that son of a bitch left me in pain ever since. I'm working in the shadows to build up my bank accounts, pay off all of my debt and get myself set up for my new life. To his face I'm playing along with his crap and making him think everything is fine and he's off the hot seat. Speaking of hot seat, it didn't take him long to revert back his old ways this time. No surprised there. Same shit different day. The only thing that has changed is I am not letting him get close enough to rape me again. He can use me all he wants but not for that. I told him to go find a fuck friend if he wants sex cuz he's not getting anything from me. 
He tried to tell me he doesn't want another woman and he can live without sex. HA HA HA liar. He was back to groping me and treating me like a sex object 24 hours later. I got disgusted (quietly) and left the room. 
He's an emotional vampire too. Every time I exert my independence I get a guilt trip or his usual fucked up self-serving grunt. Like I fucking care. He doesn't respect me so to hell with him and his mind games. I'm immune. 

I almost made the mistake of leaving him another bitch fest note about his treatment of me but I got smart and trashed it before he could find it. No point leaving notes or trying to talk to a man who is emotionally unavailable. Beside the fucker raped me. He doesn't deserve anymore of my respect. He doesn't deserve anything from me. If he wants to play mind games he'll get his comeuppances

He's in for one hell of a surprise when he realizes the traps he's set for me upon his death are not going to happen to me. I'm going to be long gone and his loving ex and their son will have to find another sucker to saddle his debt too. I am looking forward to this next year passing fast so I can get the hell out of this farce of a marriage and go back home where I belong. 

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